Ruth and her boyfriend are often caught up in argument. He is the know-it-all kind and will lie between his teeth to win an argument. Often, she will let him win just for the sake of not having him sulk for a week, but when Paul starts to deny that he did not see her call when his phone clearly displays a missed call somewhere, she will not back down.
Paul is not a bad man, but this habitual lying gets on Ruth’s nerves sometimes. She has, however, chosen to turn a blind eye to this fault and taken him as he is.
We all have unpleasant characters that we may not find disturbing. It is either by nature or nurture that we are like that.
People who are conscious of these glitches will find a way to conduct themselves when around other people. But what happens when you are in a relationship and you cannot hide that long hand syndrome, the lying, the not wanting to bathe and other unsocial habits?
Sarah Nalinya, an environmentalist, says she would help her husband overcome a bad habit because quitting would not be the solution. “First I have to accept that he is the person I chose out of the millions. For instance, I would first find out why he is behaving in such a manner. Thereafter, I would forge a way to help them out.”
Bena Nalwanga Nakku, a marriage counsellor at Nabagereka Development Foundation, says it is important to take time to know why your spouse has a certain habit. This she says would help you forge a way on how to help him out.
“Sometimes a spouse may express dissatisfying behavior, depending on the way he is being treated at home. For instance, if one of the partners denies the other conjugal rights, the affected person may cheat to fulfill the desire,” she says.
She says it vital to tell your spouse how you feel about their behaviour because it may help them know, assess and reform. This should be done in a polite way so that you do not seem to be quarrelling. Afterwards, give them time to tell you why he is behaving in such a manner.
“Don’t insist if your spouse is not willing to give an answer at the time because it may result into a conflict. But if he or she decides to tell you the reason they are doing that, then take it seriously. Address the cause as soon as possible,” Nakku says.
Some habits can be compromised on, but what about a scenario such as Nalule’s?
The couple walked down the aisle five years ago and have one child, but Nalule’s husband is a serial cheater who does not spare even his wife’s friends and his in-laws. Because of this, Nalule has been forced not to entertain female guests at home.
She says her husband persuades female visitors with money and sometimes coerces them into sex. To understand the tension this lady lives in, you need to visit her home when they have female visitors. She is always watchful of her husband, until the female visitors leave the house.
It is bad that Nalule does not employ young maids anymore because she got tired of rescuing them from being raped by her husband. The house help she has now is more like their grandmother.
She is sure that her husband cannot rape this old woman.
However, despite all this, Nalule applauds her husband for being a caring man because he provides everything that is needed at home. He also pampers their child just like any responsible father.
Betty Nakibuuka, a businesswoman, says if her husband had weird habits, she would take him for counselling because she believes the counsellor can help her find a way to deal with the problem. “I know he could be having deep seated psychological problems which the counsellor can help me to address.”
Nakku, however, says if your spouse is engaging in health risk habits such as cheating and does not change even after you have tried to caution him, then you can let it go because your life is more precious.
“It is useless to keep in a relationship which you know is risking your life. You may find yourself being infected with HIV/Aids and you end up living a remorseful life,” she stresses.
Nicholus Obonyo, an architect, says he would take his partner for counseling, but “If I try my level best to help but she does not change, then I would quit because it is useless to stay in relationship where I do not have peace.”
Probably Mathias Buteraba, a public health consultant, puts it best: “There is no perfect person in this world. If you stand by your side in such a situation, they can change to a great spouse.”
Paul is not a bad man, but this habitual lying gets on Ruth’s nerves sometimes. She has, however, chosen to turn a blind eye to this fault and taken him as he is.
We all have unpleasant characters that we may not find disturbing. It is either by nature or nurture that we are like that.
People who are conscious of these glitches will find a way to conduct themselves when around other people. But what happens when you are in a relationship and you cannot hide that long hand syndrome, the lying, the not wanting to bathe and other unsocial habits?
Sarah Nalinya, an environmentalist, says she would help her husband overcome a bad habit because quitting would not be the solution. “First I have to accept that he is the person I chose out of the millions. For instance, I would first find out why he is behaving in such a manner. Thereafter, I would forge a way to help them out.”
Bena Nalwanga Nakku, a marriage counsellor at Nabagereka Development Foundation, says it is important to take time to know why your spouse has a certain habit. This she says would help you forge a way on how to help him out.
“Sometimes a spouse may express dissatisfying behavior, depending on the way he is being treated at home. For instance, if one of the partners denies the other conjugal rights, the affected person may cheat to fulfill the desire,” she says.
She says it vital to tell your spouse how you feel about their behaviour because it may help them know, assess and reform. This should be done in a polite way so that you do not seem to be quarrelling. Afterwards, give them time to tell you why he is behaving in such a manner.
“Don’t insist if your spouse is not willing to give an answer at the time because it may result into a conflict. But if he or she decides to tell you the reason they are doing that, then take it seriously. Address the cause as soon as possible,” Nakku says.
Some habits can be compromised on, but what about a scenario such as Nalule’s?
The couple walked down the aisle five years ago and have one child, but Nalule’s husband is a serial cheater who does not spare even his wife’s friends and his in-laws. Because of this, Nalule has been forced not to entertain female guests at home.
She says her husband persuades female visitors with money and sometimes coerces them into sex. To understand the tension this lady lives in, you need to visit her home when they have female visitors. She is always watchful of her husband, until the female visitors leave the house.
It is bad that Nalule does not employ young maids anymore because she got tired of rescuing them from being raped by her husband. The house help she has now is more like their grandmother.
She is sure that her husband cannot rape this old woman.
However, despite all this, Nalule applauds her husband for being a caring man because he provides everything that is needed at home. He also pampers their child just like any responsible father.
Betty Nakibuuka, a businesswoman, says if her husband had weird habits, she would take him for counselling because she believes the counsellor can help her find a way to deal with the problem. “I know he could be having deep seated psychological problems which the counsellor can help me to address.”
Nakku, however, says if your spouse is engaging in health risk habits such as cheating and does not change even after you have tried to caution him, then you can let it go because your life is more precious.
“It is useless to keep in a relationship which you know is risking your life. You may find yourself being infected with HIV/Aids and you end up living a remorseful life,” she stresses.
Nicholus Obonyo, an architect, says he would take his partner for counseling, but “If I try my level best to help but she does not change, then I would quit because it is useless to stay in relationship where I do not have peace.”
Probably Mathias Buteraba, a public health consultant, puts it best: “There is no perfect person in this world. If you stand by your side in such a situation, they can change to a great spouse.”
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